Responding
If you have noticed warning signs in someone close to you, it is often difficult to know what to do.
Talking to them about suicide will not suggest to them the idea of taking their own life or give them a desire to do so - on the contrary, it may come as a relief and save a life.
To find out how to tackle the subject:
Show that you are there and ready to give support
- Make it clear that you care about the person and that they matter to you.
- Help to revive their self-esteem: family and friends are often a source of protection.
- Listen without judging or interrupting and without trying to understand everything.
- Speak openly about suicide: asking about suicide can offer a safe space to talk about it.
Assess the immediate danger
All suicidal thoughts must be taken seriously.
If the person has a specific plan (how, where, when) and the means to act: call 112 immediately
For more details on risk assessment, see the page talking about it.
Draw up a safety plan with the person who is at risk
- Ask the person what could help them to remain safe until they can meet a professional.
- Check whether they have access to means of killing themselves (weapons, medication, etc.) and help to remove them or put them in a safe place.
- Limit access to alcohol, drugs and medication.
- Identify jointly the people or places to whom/which they can turn when feeling desperate (friends, family, a helpline or a crisis centre).
- Note emergency numbers and helpline numbers on a piece of paper or in the person's phone.
Draw up a safety plan with Suicide safety Plan
The free app "Suicide safety Plan" can help you to draw up a list step by step with the person to help them to feel better or obtain help at a critical time. This resource is complementary to medical intervention.
Helping a person who is at risk to find specialised assistance
Do not leave the person to cope on their own if they are in distress:
- Offer to accompany them physically to a medical appointment, to the crisis centre or to the hospital.
- Help them to make appointments and offer to stay with them while they are making the call.
- Encourage the person to contact professional or specialised resources:
Promote social contact and activities
- Suggest activities that the person used to enjoy previously (sport, leisure activities, excursions) to distract them from negative thoughts.
- Gently encourage them to see people, without putting pressure on them.
- Offer to help with everyday tasks (shopping, formalities, children).
- Pay attention to significant dates (anniversaries, grief, important events which may increase the risk).
Things best to avoid
- Minimising the person's suffering ("It will pass").
- Taking things personally.
- Dramatising or judging ("It would be cowardly").
- Giving simplistic advice.
- Doing everything for them or trying to find an answer to everything.
- Saying "Pull yourself together" or comparing yourself to them.
- Leaving them alone at critical times.
- Promising to be available at all times (remain honest about your limits).
- Promising to keep things secret: it is important to tell the person clearly that you will not keep everything to yourself in order to help them.